trying
by insanity-dreams
Summary: And now I'm wearing a smile I don't believe in. -SasuSaku AU.
1. prologue

** prologue**

**I AM [[not]]**  
**T**  
**R**  
**Y**  
**I**  
**N**  
**G**

_You are free to make your own choices  
but you are not free to choose the consequences._

* * *

I want to fly.

Can

I

**Not**

**Fly?**

Can

I

Be an

_a-n-g-e-l?_

Mommy says

They fly high

And

I

Believe her

Cause she's

An epitome

Of

An

Angel

So she must

Know what

One looks

Like.

Right?

They are

_Sosososo_

Beautiful,

So maybe

I

**Can't**

Fly

After all.

* * *

Pixie girl watches the petals fly away, and for a moment she envies them because they're free and they can float like an angel.

**ANGEL**

**ANGEL**

**ANGEL **

Pretty girls with pretty faces walk around the lunch area, and for a second jade eyes come out of her daze and zeros in on those pretty girls.

She wonders if they are angels, or if they can fly. Maybe they can take her and fly away to another universe that monsters can't reach her and they can't harm her.

The pretty girls look like supermodels, being really thin and can fit into double zero pants.

They're like Ino.

Girl tilts her head in confusion, contemplating if Ino's an angel also.

She could be, she was pretty after all, unlike herself.

The weight shifts on the bench she was sitting on and she glances to see who would sit by the loner.

He had scars on his wrist that tell a different story than his obsidian eyes, and his _palepalepale _skin contrasted with her peach one.

"..Sasuke..." It came out in a breathless whisper.

He nods in her direction, although she knows he doesn't exactly acknowledge her.

Girls immediately smile at the boy sitting next to her, and they talk to him but he rejects any offer they say.

He's broken, she can tell by his cuts, but yet girls still want him.

Why?

One pretty girl, with pretty crimson hair that matched her eyes had snapped her long neck at her _(something she didn't have)_ and it made her stand up straight for a minute.

Was she going to ask if she wanted to fly away with her?

"Get lost, forehead."

She doesn't frown, nor does she give a painful smile. She just nods and walks away- not wanting to disobey an angel.

Sasuke just watches her leave.

* * *

**Authors note:**

The chapters aren't going to be this short, I don't think so.

This was just sort of to set the scene. Please review so I can get started on the next one.

Yes?


	2. one

**Chapter One**

**Is [[this]]  
T  
R  
Y  
I  
N  
G  
?**

_Now son,  
I'm only telling you this  
because life can do terrible things._

* * *

I  
wonder why

Mommy lets daddy

Hit her

And she

Doesn't do anything

To stop him.

Why would _anyone_

Hit an

**ANGEL?**

Mommy

Stays put

Like an

Obedient

Dog

And

Doesn't

Even

Move

An

Inch.

It hurts

Where my science teacher

Said my heart is.

But the thing is,

That it's not beating

Because I don't

Feel

It.

Cause I don't deserve a heart beat

I'm not pretty

I'm not smart

I'm not an_ angel._

Why was

I

Even

**Born?**

* * *

Glassy eyes gaze at the pretty girls in admiration. They were _veryveryvery_ thin, although the bones weren't sticking out randomly, they had curves.

Sakura feels the sides of her body, and frowns when she realizes they don't make a curve almost reminding her of a 'C', so she's not like the other girls.

They were beautiful, and the pixie haired girl glares at her chalky-white hands with chewed fingernails and skin hung off the sides of them.

She was hideous.

Blonde hair came into view just as the fairy girl stood, and a small smile graced her peach skin.

Ino didn't spare her a glance, and kept walking- nose stuck high and uniform skirt raised a few inches, three, maybe four.

But Sakura did get a peek at the magazine sticking out of the blonde's purse.

She turns with a slight frown, and notices a too handsome and too cold boy advancing towards her.

For some reason she felt nervous, but as soon as he passed her, she calmed down.

Her stomach did weird knots and her cheeks felt hot.

Angels never had this did they?

* * *

Daddy

Has been

Drinking.

I can

Tell

Because the

Alcohol

Is oozing

Through his

Pores.

Almost like

Those

Witches

In the story-tell

Books that

Mommy

Or the

_**A.N.G.E.L**_

Used to read

To me.

The voices

At night scare

Me

Because their laughs

Remind

Me of when

I was little and **used** to play

_Ring around the rosy_

With my mommy.

Daddy drags mommy

To his bedroom, a fistful

Of her pink hair

In his hand.

Soon his screams become

Loud groans,

Almost like the **monsters **the

Voices tell me _they are._

And I run to my room,

Scared of the shadows that

Lingered in the hallway,

But they dissipated

Because my room is darker than

Them.

* * *

Sakura rocks back and forth in a small corner of her room, narrowing her eyes at everywhere the voices came from.

This was horrible.

Hearing voices and laughs that weren't real but they kept taunting her, growing into her own voice, taking over her mind, d-

The window was popped open, and then came the mesh one.

Voices were telling her to jump, to jump headfirst but she wouldn't let them tear her apart.

She took a cautious leap and landed safely.

Sakura ran.

The lanky girl stopped at a convenience store a couple blocks down, and felt ready to burst.

Lilly white arms shakily wrap around the 'STOP' pole sign, and she just sinks into the floor.

People that walked the streets nearby stared at her, but kept walking idly by, not really caring about a problem that wasn't even theirs.

She feels her heart breaking for her mother, and she feels the lump in her throat, but she doesn't even feel the tears falling down.

It angered her.

It angered her that the only time she heard the voices was in her dreaded room.

It angered her that her mother didn't save herself.

It angered her that she couldn't fly away.

Fly away from all her problems and to a new planet where she can curl herself into a ball and not care who stares because there would be nobody there.

_"..Tch."_

Her head slowly goes up.

"Forehead's just having an inner melt down, let's go."

It was Karin's voice, but the person she was staring at was the beautiful blonde who stared down at her in sympathy.

Sakura looked like a poor child starving from death.

"Gawd, Ino! Let's go!"

Karin was getting mad. An angel was getting mad.

Sakura felt disgusted with herself.

She made her get mad.

Ino didn't budge.

Heels clicked the pavement and she saw a five dollar bill being dropped into her lap as if she was nothing, as if the money was nothing- but of course Karin was an _angelangelangel _so they had everything.

"There's our good fucking deed for the day hun, so let's go!"

Karin's manicured nails sunk into Ino's china white skin, dragging her away from the non-existent angel.

Sakura clutched the money in her hand, and glanced yearningly at their petite bodies.

She wants to be weightless and fly,

Fly like an angel.

Like them.

* * *

I

Went ahead

And used

The

Money

Karin

The angel

Handed to me

And

I

Bought

Junk food

From the

Store

Nearby.

I smiled

And

Took the

Plastic

Bag

That

They

Handed me.

I asked where was the

Restroom and

They gave me

A key

And

Pointed way

Back.

The

Cashier

Smelt

Of

Cigars

And

Cheap beer

It reminded

Me

Of my _father,_

So I got away from

The devil

As far as I could.

Walking towards the

Restroom made me wonder,

If my daddy was a devil,

And my mommy was

An angel-

_**Why would they get married?**_

Did they even _love_ each other?

The way at night they moan and scream

Like monsters make me think they do,

But they fight constantly and it makes all of the

Good

Thoughts

Go away.

I reach my destination and enter it,

Locking

It

Completely.

I scarf

Down

The junk

Food.

One

After

The

Next.

After I'm all done,

I feel full,

And

Energized.

I have

Color to

My

Skin.

But that won't do.

I kneel

Next to

The

Toilet

And

Stick fingers

Where they

_Shouldn't be._

Especially

After

Holding

The rim

Of the

Sink to

Glare 

At myself

In the reflection.

My insides

Clench up

And I

Disgorge

All

The things I

Ate.

It made me

Feel _empty._

And as soon as I

Glanced into

The

Mirror,

I see my face

A slight bit paler than

It used to be.

And I **smile.**

Maybe I could be an

_Angel_

**After all.**

* * *

**Authors note:**

First of all, IT'S ME SASUKE-LUVS-SAKURA, I just changed my pen-name okay?

OOOOKAY, so now you can tell what this story is going to be about now right? Don't be disturbed because this story is going to be pretty sad.

_**Roux Cherie: **_The reason I started in a new direction is because I felt like I needed to get away from my comfort zone in writing and take on a new task. It might help me get better.

Thank you for all of the reviews, **please review again.**


	3. two

**Chapter Two**

**Am I  
T  
R  
Y  
I  
N  
G  
?**

_This hurts so much  
so should I keep going on?_

* * *

Maybe

I

Shouldn't

Say **anything**

When

Mommy

And

Daddy

_Are fighting._

I tried to

Intervene

But

My daddy

Just

**Smacks **me

With

The back

Of his hand

And I fall to the

Floor

With _tears_ in my eyes

Asking God _why_

He would do that.

My mommy

The angel

Begins **shouting**

At him

At

The

Top

Of

Her

Lungs.

* * *

Eyes that make her always look like she's crying glances around the classroom.

Everyone was talking.

But Ino kept glancing her way and Sakura didn't know if it was because of the incident a week ago- or because of the angry red color blossoming around her right cheek.

_How will you explain that to your teachers?_

She tilts her head, puzzled when she catches the aqua blue eyes staring at her with something that reminded her of pity.

The blonde angel didn't stare very long and went back to her conversation when Karin noticed them both making eye contact.

Careful to not graze her stinging cheek with the palm of her hand, she brushes away a strand of tangled cotton candy hair and glances around yet again.

Kakashi-Sensei was always late (she was always questioned the way they haven't fired him for his terrible punctuality), and even though he's been working here for about 5 years- he still hasn't found a good excuse as to why he's never on time.

Maybe he was also an angel, saving people from evil.

She let her arms drop on the desk resting her head into them, wondering why everyone was an angel and she **wasn't.**

* * *

The slapping sound of flats echoed in the hallway, and Sakura knew it was one of those angels with those pretty ballet shoes that laced up until their knee.

Sakura looked down at her own beat up, tattered, at the edge of falling apart, converse.

She herself wondered how her father and mother scraped up the 40 dollars to buy her the pair of shoes last year- and she was very grateful for it because it made her feel _somewhat_ pretty.

Angel passed by her without a sound but let out a low mewl at the boy a few yards away from the rosette.

Sasuke had looked at her once.

Twice.

Then went back to entering his locker combination.

Her heart pounded against her chest in something of disappointment- _(anger?)_

Wasn't she pretty enough?

She'd dropped a couple pounds by purging every night after stuffing her face at the little dinner her dysfunctional-

_(she never complained)_

-family had put on the table.

* * *

Mommy

And

Daddy

Are in

The

Bedroom

Making

**Monster noises**

And I rush to

My

Room

With the

Scary

Voices

And

The

Faces

That

Look

Some how

_Melted _together

And bonded

**By hate.**

* * *

Sasuke lets his bangs fall in his face for a few seconds before pushing them out of his face.

He was never one to like strolls in the cold, but it became mandatory once his adoptive parents son came home- the vodka seeping out of him heavily.

The raven stuffed his hands in the leather jacket he had placed on.

That girl.

She _was_ weird.

She_ had_ a weird hair color.

He didn't even _know_ her name.

He's gonna' call her nameless from now on.

By some trick of insanity, he found himself intrigued by her Jade eyes- they were tantalizing and showed feelings he was familiar with.

_The reflection in the mirror had them._

Sometimes he'd wonder why she was so quiet and looked at the girls constantly with a longing gleam in her eyes, it was something he couldn't comprehend- and he was at the top of his advanced phycology class.

But he hated phycology.

It was a gate that led to therapy.

And therapy solved _nothing_.

It's just a bunch of nightmares collected together, held by the rubber band of _whimpers, tears, and sobs_.

It's just a bunch of people telling you need help.

It's just a bunch of people **hoping** you'd take their advice.

It's just a bunch of people _thinking_ they know what's best for you, but they don't know **anythi-**

He knew that feeling.

* * *

Sometimes

I just

Wish I

Could

Be

An

**ANGEL**

And fly _away._

Sometimes I

Just wish

I could ignore

The

Putrid

Laughter

Of

**Hells**

**Angels.**

But

We all

Wish

At times

But

They never

Come true do

They?

A bunch

Of

**Wasted**

11:11

Wishes

That

You _know_

In the back

Of

Your

Mind will

Never

Become

Reality.

* * *

Sakura watches the rain fall from the sky and she tilts her head as one streaked down her dingy window like a lonesome tear.

**IT'S RAININ'**

Her breath condensates a small cloud in the foggy reflection of the passageway to color, vibrancy, and what is known as freedom.

**IT'S POURIN'**

For a second, glassy eyes close and she thinks that maybe the tears that are falling like comets are her mama's tears that she sees falling every time the lady comes out of her parent's room after the monster noises.

**THE OL' MAN IS SNORIN'**

Resting her head against the cool glass, she presses her knees to her torso, suddenly feeling hungry for something to snack on.

**HE WEN' TO BED**

But she has willpower, and won't give in to something petty like some crackers to just awake with regret eating her inside out that she can't fit into her school uniform skirt whist all the other angel's skirts are loose.

**AN' BUMPED HIS HEAD**

Maybe she's a bit insane.

Maybe she's delusional.

Maybe she doesn't remember that her skirt was already loose enough and hung lowly enough, but she didn't want to ask her father for money to buy a belt, cowering in fear that he'll give in to the voices she hears _(so she's sure other people hear them, right?) _and backhand her.

**AN' HE COULDN'**

The petite girl hung her head low, biting her lip and thinking that maybe she was so retched to look at, that maybe the angel's have sent her down so there could be a contrast to everything beautiful around her- and maybe they hoped they could balance the world.

**GEDDUP IN THA' MORNIN'**

She wept bitterly.

* * *

**A/N:** Ehh, I'm pretty iffy about this chapter… :\ I dunno'. What do you guys think?

_Please_** review**

and thanks for the reviews on the last chapters.


	4. three

**Chapter three**

**Should I **even** be**

**T  
R  
Y  
I  
N  
G  
?**

_Trying isn't good enough  
for anybody._

* * *

Everybody

In

The

School

Talks to the

**Angels**

And

When I

Was

Younger

That was

Called

_Popularity._

I'm **not**

Popular

Because I'm

**Not**

The angel

That I want to

_Desperately _

**Be.**

* * *

Sakura came out of the girl's bathroom looking paler than she used to.

Her stomach was killing her every time after she purged up anything she ate.

It was nearing the end of lunch and her arm wrapped around her stomach, noticing that the other angels never did this.

Never.

Teeth clamped down on a lower lip as she shut her eyes.

Her inside muscles contracted and she fled back into the room she just walked out of, pushing open the dirty stall and she immediately fell to her knees—_shakingshakingshaking_—because nothing came out of her mouth except for dry heaves.

She wasn't scared though.

Nope.

Because most of the time it felt like this—_like this_—like feeling on the brink of death, but knowing you're not going to die, and you don't know why.

However, it hurt.

A lot.

* * *

Sasuke had been coming downstairs from the roof, tired of his fan-girls idiotically following him around

everywhere.

Walking to his locker, the boy ran his fingers through his hair taking a second to admire his clan wring that was wrapped snugly around his right thumb, and entered his combination.

The school was stupid—_very stupid._

The teachers were stupid.

The girls were stupid.

Hell, his best friend was probably smarter than the girls that tried to sexually harass him.

Finally opening his locker, the raven began switching his books for the rest of the day and didn't expect to hear a choked sob, especially since the hallway was eerily quiet a few moments ago.

Sasuke walked up to the girl's bathroom door and leaned against the water-fountain by it, curious as to who was crying.

Whoever it was, they were trying to stifle it—but failed miserably and he only caught a few words that came from the bathroom near him.

It was something about angels.

The Uchiha shook his head and started walking away, slamming his locker close as he passed by it.

_It's probably just another fan-girl._

* * *

My

Stomach

Hurt a lot

And when I

Started walking

Home

_(can i_

_even call it_

_that?)_

My insides

Felt

Like

They were trying

**To be turned**

**Inside out**

By the melted

Faces in

My room

That _laughed,_

_Amused_

At my

_**Unbearable**_

Pain.

I yelled at them

**To stop**

But that

Only

Got my

Father to slip in the room

With his leather belt that

Swished out of his

Jean holes.

I heard

The_ whoosh_ of

It going into

The air and

I

Bit

Back

A

**Scream.**

Like a good

_Little angel._

* * *

The red marks stung as she struggled to pull her school uniform shirt down to hide the hideous splotches that tainted her _not-so-yet _angel skin.

She felt numb, she felt _sososo_ numb—**and she hated it.**

Because it only feels worse when the feeling shook out of her system and is replaced by hot, searing pain.

Sakura leaned on her side and didn't move a muscle, as if she was supposed to feel better—_get better._

She didn't have any energy to purge, but she thought of the _**tinytinytiny**_ waist and the ringing laughter the popular girls gave that she could never really mimic.

That gave her enough of a power boost to stagger to the bathroom and shut the door.

* * *

**A/N:** I think I'll stop there for now. Review please, they make me happy.


	5. four

**Chapter Four**

**Can I succeed in**

**T  
R  
Y  
I  
N  
G  
?**

_but I know Romeo must_

_die before the ending._

* * *

My

throat burns.

It feels as if

I'm

sick.

But I'm **not.**

The marks

on my skin

haven't

_faded_

and it's okay

because I know

that my daddy's _**sorry;**_

even if he didn't

admit to it yet.

Isn't that

what angels

do?

_Forgive_

and

**forget..**

* * *

Sakura pushed open the metal double doors that led into the school, and she knew that she was late.

Her mother had begun yelling at her father in the morning, then a smack, and she went down.

Sakura thought that it should have happened quickly—like how it is in the movies when someone gets hurt, and the witness explains it as if it happened very fast— like a bullet.

But it **didn't.**

It wasn't even slow. Not really.

Her mamma' fell on top of the kitchen table that wobbled on it's four legs before it completely shattered in splinting wood that flew around the room.

Sakura crushed the honey flavored cough drop with her teeth, and didn't really mind about how the shards cut her tongue and reminded her of her mother in the kitchen.

Blood and shards.

When she had finally walked out of the door to get to school—_she didn't want to go, she wanted to find out what happened to her mommy_—she had not moved for God knows how long.

The late bell rang.

* * *

Sasuke extended his legs in the seat he was currently at, and the girl in front of him had felt his movement and looked back.

She puckered her lips **(trying to be seductive he had guessed) **and craned her neck to him, whispering lowly so that the teacher who was taking roll-call wouldn't hear her.

"If you want to touch my legs so badly, why don't you come over?"

He didn't respond, instead just held back a snort and stared at her with emotionless eyes that anybody could just drown in.

Mistaking his silence for him being dazed by her feminine power, the girl turned around with a triumphant grin.

The door creaked open and people momentarily glanced at the door before returning their gaze elsewhere.

Sasuke looked up from glaring at the crisscrossing lines that wrapped around his wrist before he pulled down his black wrist band

_(—someone had asked about the cuts he had carelessly never hid_—_)_

and remembered the pink haired girl with emerald eyes that had a constant wetness to them.

She muttered something to the teacher before walking to her seat in the back, and Karin scoffed loud enough for everyone to hear.

People began laughing, and the teacher had told them to hush up.

Sakura didn't say anything back, and he wondered why.

* * *

It's lunch

time.

Sasuke's ignoring

the **a.n.g.e.l.s**

that are trying

to

get him

to talk, but

they fail.

And it's a _surprise,_

because angels never fail.

For lunch

they're

giving this

**cheesy** pizza

that looks yummy.

I finish eating it

and feel like

my

stomach is

about to _burst open._

I've binged and purged

for almost a **full month **

now,

and there's

a _limit_

to how

much I

can eat.

_(—eateateateat—)_

My head feels

a bit

woozy, and I

reach for

the no

**calorie**

drink, which

is water and I

chug down a few gulps.

A rush of dehydration

passes through me _(as soon_

_as the water hits my throat)_

like

a

**wave**

or

the

flapping of

**ANGEL WINGS**

and I slump in my chair.

* * *

Sakura sat on the closed toilet right after locking the stall, and made sure that nobody was in the hallway.

As soon as her head stopped spinning, she had kneeled next to the loo and opened the lid.

The headache would most likely leave right after she dumps out the continents of her lunch, because this has happened before.

_Why aren't you sick with what you're doing to yourself yet?_

Sucking in a breath, she closes her eyes and thinks about her mommy, the angel.

* * *

It doesn't feel **good**

purging in the _school bathroom._

It feels like someone's going

to walk in on you

and hear or **see** you,

**and send you away.**

_I don't want that._

* * *

Pixie hands dry off with the paper towels in the bathroom and she looks at herself in the mirror.

She feels sick to her stomach and finger combs her hair to try and look decent, but she soon realizes that she won't ever look good.

Sakura runs her hands down her body, pinching and prodding at every space of skin she can pull the fat of, and frowns deeply at her reflection.

Emerald eyes get glossy when she goes to her legs and pulls the skin of her thighs, then Sakura tries to pull the skirt lower so that nobody will see the flaws she cannot hide.

Petal pink lips twitch, and her eyes prickle.

"You fucking _fat-ass_..."

**She'll never be good enough.**

* * *

**A/N: **Did'ya like it? I hoped you did. Oh so Sakura's getting dehydrated? Symptoms of binging and purging maybe? Or maybe Anorexia.

**Review please.**


	6. five

**Chapter five**

**I say that I am**

**T  
R  
Y  
I  
N  
G  
****!**

_you're a mess  
and  
I'm worse._

* * *

When

I went

home, it wasn't

exactly

anything that

I would have

_wanted _to

see at

my age.

My mother was

_**laying down**_

on the

old and dusty

couch

and

her eyes

were **closed **

but my

_father_

**(maybe he's at the pub)**

was _no-where_

in sight.

* * *

Sakura stumbled into her room and into the bathroom, stripping and peeling off items of clothing. Soon, they were all on the floor as she turned on the knob for the shower.

She entered and was greeted with a blast of freezing ice-cold water that made goosebumps rise to her skin_—has it gotten paler?—_and it made her lips tremble but she didn't know if it was because of the tears threatening to spill, or because of the water pounding on her back.

Getting down in a duck-and-cover position, Sakura let out small whimpers and didn't care once they turned into big wails.

She didn't even know what she was crying for, maybe it was because of her mother, or maybe it was because of what she was doing to herself.

For once, she was glad that her father wasn't around.

* * *

_It wasn't a new day._

_It's just yesterday with different scenes._

* * *

Sakura sat down in her seat, trying not to be noticed as everyone began piling in the classroom that was now full of lively chatter.

It's weird, isn't it?

Being in a room full of people, yet having **nobody** to talk to.

The person who sat in front of her was a boy with hair as golden as the eyeshadow her mother used to put on when she went out.

A boy next to him threw an eraser to his head and it bounced off and fell near Sakura's torn-and-worn converse.

She picked it up, and the boy with the sunshine _(he had these azure eyes to match. Like the sunset coming down a sea..)_ hair gave her a charming smile, taking the object before chucking it at the boy who threw it, and thanked her.

"My name's Naruto, what's yours?"

**Do you feel it?**—  
—_Do you feel loved?_

* * *

Naruto**—she liked his name, it rolled off her tongue easily—**had wrapped an arm around her shoulder when she walked out of Home-Room, and that was when she noticed that he was very bold and straight-forward.

It was almost like he had Sasuke's personality, except the raven had an edge to his bluntness.

She didn't understand why.

* * *

Naruto

asked me

to sit with **him**

and his_ friends_

at lunch,

and I didn't even

get to answer because

he

took me

by the**_ arm_** and

raced over

to a table

that_ over-flowed_

with **people**

and I

was _embarrassed_

because I

knew that there wasn't enough

space for **me** or** him.**

But Naruto

_made room_

and I squished myself

in between

him and

this girl

with

purple hair

and

pale eyes.

_**{They were almost**_

_**as pale as Sakura's skin.}**_

* * *

It felt foreign, sitting with other people.

_Butshefeltlovedsolovedsoloved._

She usually sat with nobody, but occasionally Sasuke would stick around for a few minutes before disappearing.

Angel boy watched her with careful eyes as she sat at a table with people.

He walked away.

_Shewassolovedsolovedsoloved._

* * *

**A/N:** You guys didn't review at all in the last chapter :\

Does the story suck or something?


	7. six

**Chapter Six**

**I lie and die and I'm still  
**

**T  
R  
Y  
I  
N  
G**

_Cause I've been living on my knees,  
since I was seventeen._

* * *

Naruto

had a very

nice **smile.**

It stretched from

_ear-to-ear_

and it

reached his

eyes.

Those _**same**_

eyes

gave **me**

a

_reflection_

of myself and

_**you know what?**_

I _wasn't_

_proud_ looking

at myself

through someone's

eyes.

_(—frailbodyfrailhandsbigforehea—)_

**Do they think about me**

**the way I do?**

* * *

Her mother had finally awoken from whatever state of unconsciousness she was in.

When Sakura had walked into her house, she had noticed her mommie picking up and cleaning the mess of the kitchen table that wasn't whole anymore.

_It's like your parents relationship, isn't it little one?_

Sakura bent down to help her mother, and Sakura looked into the same green eyes that she had inherited.

They were full of tears that were always there, but _never_ fell.

* * *

At dinner time, nobody talked.

It was full of silence that made the air so tense that it was _**tangible.**_

Sakura hated how she had to eat in her lap and sit on a too hard chair and how she shrunk under her father's scrutinizing gaze.

Picking at her food, the little child crunched the honey cough drop between her teeth that she always found in the bathroom, hoping that the taste would distract her from the displeasure in the air and she shut her eyes.

She imagined that she was an angel with broad wings that washed away her impurities; and she imagined that she flew out of the window next to the old refrigerator; and she imagined that she left to someplace where she wouldn't be judged.

She imagined that she flew to Sasuke's house, and he let his wings spread out also.

A tiny bit of hope welled up in her heart.

* * *

Sasuke fingered the razor in his palm, gritting his teeth together so hard that it felt somewhat numb.

He stared at himself in the bathroom mirror, trying to understand why did he have to become like this.

He wondered when his life changed so drastically.

—**Maybe it was when your brother drove them off a cliff?_—_**

At the mention of his brother his body started to feel as if it was a television that had static, his throat felt scratchy and his stomach felt fuzzy; it wasn't in a good way either.

_(—the only reason you're in here is because you didn't want to go to your relatives. whywhywhywhywhywh—)_

Scowling, the razor pressed on a line that his wrist band had left because it didn't fit him, it was an old one that his mother had gotten for him when he was 6 years of age, and 6 year old's shouldn't have to know that their mommie was dead.

The blood seeped out of the shallow cut_**—he was too scared to go deeper—**_and it made him feel pain and the static in his body left.

Somebody knocked on the door, and he quickly pulled on his wrist band, not caring if the crimson liquid stained the black cloth.

It wouldn't show anyways.

* * *

At night Sakura curled into a ball on her bed, and maybe tried to ignore the voices in her room.

The words the invisible people had said were heavy and crushed her down, pinning her to the bed so she couldn't turn off the lights to make them disappear.

With her eyes screwed shut, she let the tears cascade down her face from the corners of her green orbs that were never and will never be the same as her mother the angel.

Sakura doesn't remember when she was a happy girl or a normal girl, and anything in between. It was like her childhood passed her in a blur of colors and stopped at this time to make her feel hapless.

_**It wasn't fair.**_

It really wasn't.

The voices laughed and sniggered at her through the gritty hands she was sure that they had, but she was also sure that they had long fingers that wrapped around her neck once a while at night and tighten slowly within every second.

A bedroom door slammed shut with a boom, and somebody entered her room.

She knew because the floor-boards gave a low groan.

The lights shut off and the voices had left, but her bed shifted and she felt cold, nimble fingers coil themselves around her throat and squeeze.

Emerald eyes fluttered open and she saw her father, and quickly shut her eyes, chanting in her mind that it was just one of those voices trying to scare her.

Because she maybe didn't want to believe

that it

**really**

**was her**

father.

* * *

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**_

_**Dedicated to; Roux Cherie. I was planning on finishing this in a couple of days but I decided to update for you, I hope you liked it.**_

_**CurlyHairRocksXD17; Both of them.**_

_**A/N: Summer vacation is on the way you guys! I know I'll update sooner in those months because guess what- no school!**_  
_**I just hope you can stick around through my stories and such so that you can just see what I have in store!**_

_**-ID**_


	8. Sasuke's Interlude

**Chapter Seven**

**Sasuke's**

**T**  
**R**  
**Y**  
**I**  
**N**  
**G**

_I used to be such a burning example,  
__I used to be so  
__original._

* * *

He was born into a life where the parents **_loved_** each other dearly, and where the brother was his hero.

They were a picture perfect family that everyone **_envied_** and_ adored_ at the same time, and even though Sasuke saw the glares his brother gave to his parents, he knew it was a perfect life he had. Or he thought.

_AngelAngelAngel_

_**One.**_

Sasuke is two.

His father swings him up on his broad shoulders, and the small child places the star on the Christmas tree.

He's bundled up in a warm sweatshirt and a gauzy scarf that his mother had knitted for him, and as he's let down on to the floor he can't help but let small laughter jump out of his mouth and into the air as the tree lights up with bright colors.

Sasuke's brother tickles him, his mamma' brings out a plate of cookies for Santa and his daddy takes a picture of all of them.

_**Two.**_

Sasuke is three.

He waits for his brother or his father to come home so that they can play a game.

The sliding door opens and it's his dad, but he looks tired and the tie he had on is loose and hangs around his neck limply, and Sasuke notices that his father has lost weight and that those darkdarkdark rings around his dark eyes are starting to mean something.

_**Three.**_

Sasuke is four.

Itachi and his father don't play with him anymore, and his mother stops baking cookies for Santa Clause.

It's been a terribly long time since he's been swung up on his father's shoulders, or been read a goodnight story.

At school, he begins ignoring the girls and begins to not care about school-work.

The teachers call his father and mother to see if there is something wrong at home, because the boy had never acted like this _(__—"__I'm__sorry__to__have__to__call__you__in__the__middle__of__the__year__but...__"— __)._

_**Four.**_

Sasuke is five.

He begins noticing that his mother and father argue with his brother more than usual, and although he hears his mother cry in the middle of the night, he thinks it's nothing—he hopeshopeshopes it's nothing.

And soon, he sees Itachi slam the door to the house so badly that the picture frame of his family at Christmas when he was two had fallen to the floor in shards of broken hope.

He hears his mother cry.

_**Five.**_

Sasuke is six.

His parents and brother were not home, and he didn't know why.

He woke up to an eerily empty house that echoed with every breath he took.

There was banging on the door and when the angel child opened the door, big burly men in black clothing with a golden badge were standing there.

_**Six.**_

Sasuke is seven.

He holds on to the black wrist-band that his mother was knitting for him at the age of six, and although it wasn't finished, Sasuke still wears it.

The boy wasn't allowed to bring anything from his home**—his original home—**because he'd lose them anyways when he was moving from house to house, searching for parents that would take him in for over a month.

He puts on a smile at every home until he crawls under his covers at night and begins to sob uncontrollably.

_**Seven.**_

Sasuke is eight.

He now knows that his brother killed his parents, and he knows how. The only reason he knows is because when the new family he was moving into were signing his papers, the lady at the desk who always gave him a lollipop had given him a sympathetic look and had told the other woman who'd become his new mother for a month if he was lucky.

He bites down on the cherry flavored sucker.

_**Eight.**_

Sasuke is nine.

He has yet to find a permanent home because the parents hear his cries of angst in the middle of the night, and it disturbs them to a point in which they can't handle him.

And so, he's staying with the foster-care agency until they can contact one of his relatives.

But they've been doing that for over over 2 years, what makes you think that his relatives will answer now?

_**Nine.**_

Sasuke is ten.

And the boy is old enough to go visit his parents graves alone.

He breaks down crying when he sees their names.

Sasuke's yet to notice that Itachi's grave isn't near theirs.

_**Ten.**_

Sasuke's eleven.

He now goes to school with other kids, and he's behind because he hasn't been to school for over 4 years ever since his brother drove his parents off of a cliff.

There is this boy he saw, with stunning blonde hair and an amazingly pearly white smile.

His name is Naruto and Sasuke secretly envies his capability to feel.

_**Eleven.**_

Sasuke's twelve.

His relatives called, and he decides to not go to a different state where he can't see his parent's graves.

He also decides that he likes the cool blade against his numbing arm.

_**Twelve.**_

Sasuke's fourteen.

He notices the attention the girls give him and he realizes how much he misses his mother.

_**Thirteen.**_

Sasuke's fifteen.

He sees the blonde boy from when he was eleven, and the boy smiles at Sasuke when they make contact. Sasuke also sees how his smile doesn't reach his azure eyes.

The Uchiha goes home to the lady who gives him lollipops, other kids who have pain streaked eyes, and adults who make him sick.

_**Fourteen.**_

Sasuke's sixteen.

He notices a girl with pink hair.

* * *

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. **_

_**A/N: I have three more days of school left, and I really want them to fly by so I can waste my summer sleeping and writing and listening to music. I can finally relax for those 2-3 months and just be lazy!  
**_

_**-ID**_


	9. seven

**Chapter seven**

**I am, I am, I am, I am—**

**T  
****R  
****Y  
****I  
****N  
****G**

_Well this hurts more  
__than I can say in just one sitting._

* * *

I **sucked in** my stomach

and glanced at the

leather coat

that my

_mother _

had gotten me

for my 14th birthday.

It was a **few sizes**

**smaller** because I'm

taller than I was

back then.

I tugged it on

and almost

_**cried**_, because I

fit into the_ size 0 _

jacket.

_**I pretend that I sprouted wings**_

_**behind me.**_

* * *

Sakura grinned although it had no humor behind it, and zipped up the jacket and pulled on some old pair of double zero jeans.

They hung off of her bony hips loosely and the black fabric made her legs look even skinnier.

She wanted to dance around and show the angel-girls at school that she can fit into no sized clothing, that she's worth it.

Emerald eyes are dull and the smile doesn't reach her orbs because she's_ sososososo_ hungry and bites on her broken and bloodied nails to prevent on snacking.

She wants to show them that she's worth **angel wings.**

* * *

Closing his locker, Sasuke ignores the girls that desperately try to get his attention, giving away their love like pocket-change.

Karin steps in front of him and offers a smile, manicured nails tapping on her cheek as if it'd make her look cute.

She seems confident but she's _shaking_ in her Ugg boots and licks her chapped lips that have a few coats of a deep red shade that vaguely reminded Sasuke of blood.

"Go away," he muttered under his breath, and side-steps her.

Pink caught his eye and he realized it was that girl with the weird hair, and she was staring at him.

He never realized that her steps came closer to him, he was too focused on her eyes.

"Do you feel loved?"

Her voice was soft, and her face serious. The words caught him off guard because he wasn't expecting her to talk, and before he even had a chance to reply—she walked away.

Dark eyes stared at her figure and noticed how her school shirt _**swallowed her form whole**._

* * *

He saw her at lunch, sitting with a group of people.

_Do you feel loved?_

She walked away from them a few minutes later, book-bag slung over her shoulder and sat down on the usual bench that was isolated.

Sakura noticed that Sasuke was already sitting there, but she still sat down anyways— noting how this reminded her of a few weeks ago when he had sat here also.

"Where's your lunch?"

The fairy-girl smiled, "I'm not very hungry..."

He never said anything else but just stared at her _fragile_ wrists and her _skin-and-bone_ ankles and thighs, albeit there wasn't much skin.

_Doyoufeelherlove?_

* * *

Sakura walked home with a raven-haired boy trailing after her.

It was decided in class when the teacher said that both were going to have to work on a project together about the cardiovascular system, and although they said they were going to work at the library, she had wanted to show him where she lived just in case.

Maybe she just wanted to be **alone** with him.

Maybe she wanted him to take her and** fly** away.

They stopped at a house with navy blue shutters and a small porch.

"Good-bye, Sasuke," she breathed out.

"Bye, Sakura."

He had learned her name from when the teacher had called them out to say what function of the human body they were going to do, and they got the heart.

_**Oh the irony, for both had lost their hearts and souls.**_

The Uchiha never walked fully up her porch, not wanting Sakura to know that because of the open shutters that he saw her parents arguing, and he didn't want Sakura to know that he_ kindofsortof_** knew** that feeling.

* * *

**MARY HAD A LAMB.**

Sakura had borrowed her mother's nail-polish, deciding to hide the ugly nails that she had always bit on.

**HIS EYES BLACK AS COALS.**

The pixie girl blew on the disgustingly neon-green nails, and ignored the yelling from her parents downstairs even though it had made her want to cry.

**IF WE PLAY VERY QUIET,**

The monster voices in her room howled at her, distorting her vision and making her head hurt.

Sakura ate the small cup of ice-cream that she had gotten from downstairs when she walked into the house, trying not to look her mother in the eye, trying not to get involved.

**MY LAMB, MARY**

She wriggled her toes, the same disgusting shade of neon-green.

**NEVER HAS TO KNOW.**

* * *

_**Disclaimer; I do NOT own Naruto.**_

_**A/N: Did you guys hear about the new Naruto movie, "Road To Ninja" ? Sasuke's supposed to be a flirt and his parents never died. He flirts with Sakura a lot supposedly. You should check it out. And yes, my summer vacation has started, which I'm ecstatic about!**_

_**-ID**_


	10. eight

**Chapter Eight**

**Do I still think I'm—**

**T  
R  
Y  
I  
N  
G  
?**

_And lying when we breathe_—_**  
**__t__he world's filled with liars,__  
l__iar__s like me._

* * *

On my way

out of my home,

(is it really a home?)

I had noticed my mother

_crying_ and _shaking_

with my father

on top of her.

"_**You bitch!"**_

Smack.

I yell for him

to **stop** and my

book-bag lay

on the floor,

invisible to my eyes.

When I get close

to them, my mama' tells

me to _run,_

but I disobey and lift a hand

to grip his shoulder.

My father gets enraged and

pushes me down on

the **cold**

and **dirty**

floor.

He starts squeezing

and pinching my skin,

twisting the flesh

that was there.

_Stopstopstopstopstop—_

He raises a hand and

swoops down to _**hit **_

my face.

* * *

Sakura came to school just when the third period bell rang. She entered the double doors with a metallic taste in her mouth since the girl was biting her tongue because she didn't have the honey flavored candy.

She didn't bother going to get a late note, and thanked the heavens that her father's beating didn't leave a bruise on her face, but couldn't say the same for her arms and stomach.

Tears were brimming her eyelashes and she didn't know why. Sakura entered her classroom, the teacher asked for her late pass.

"I don't have one," the pixie-girl mumbled, trying to shrink away from the eyes of her classmates.

"This isn't a free-for-all!" Her teacher slammed a hand on the desk, the sound ricocheted and sounded like a slap.

Sakura visibly flinched.

"Go get a pass, and _do not_ come back and disturb my class without one."

The rosette nodded, looking down at her beat up shoes, not wanting to see the disappointed and angry pupils of the man.

* * *

"Sakura-chan! I heard you got in trouble."

Said girl turned to the voice, wondering how he knew and nodded.

The lunch bell had rang a few minutes ago, relieving everyone of the stress of school-work and Sakura was currently walking outside to get a drink of water until Naruto had shown up out of the blue.

"Gah, I never thought I'd live to see the day that you got in trouble." He laughed, slinging an arm around her shoulder, leading her to their usual lunch table and she immediately turned stiff from the sudden contact.

Sasuke ate his food in peace, slumping his shoulders.

"_I don't talk to strangers."_

"_We're actually the police...Uchiha Sasuke?" _

_"Did my mommy send you here?"_

"_In a way, yes. C'mere, do you have a really cool bag that you can put your clothes and toys into?"_

"_Mhm, it's upstairs."_

"_Let's go get it so you can come with us to see your mommy."_

He was grinding his teeth, and he played with the fingers of his right hand, imagining that there was a blade in it's place.

* * *

When Sakura went home, it was empty and she just stared at the floor where she was beaten and sneered.

Her hand went to the decorative vase near her and she slammed it against the floor with all the pent up frustration she's had.

_'Why is this happening to me?'_

She slammed the door shut with a yell, unconscious tears falling down in anger.

_'I hate this!'_

Her breaths were already rapid, and she thinks it's because of her crying— but she also thinks about how her breaths have become shorter in the past week.

_'I hate myself..!'_

The fairy girl slides to the ground, eyes widening at her anxiety attack as she curls into a ball, lips quivering and wonders if she looks just as broken to an angel as she already thinks she is.

* * *

_**Disclaimer; I DO NOT own Naruto.**_

_**A/N; Okay so I told you guys I would update frequently in the summer, but the only one review made me kind of frustrated and I decided not to update. That and a case of Writers Block. By the way, the chapters will get shorter without reviews. Anyways, I just hope you guys will review more or I'll stop this story all together. More over, how has your summer been? Mine has been pretty boring with nothing to do— but Sasuke's birthday is coming up soon, did you know that?**_

_**-ID**_


End file.
